Photograph: Gail Albert-Halaban courtesy of Edwynn Houk Gallery

I am 42-year-old professor, very happily married with one wonderful 11 year old son. My husband is working with MNC and extremely supportive. Lucky right? What else someone wish? But I never thought that I will feel so lonely that makes me cry every night.

I am originally from Pune, post marriage lived in Bangalore and moved to Gurgaon three years back. In Bangalore though I was working I used to socialize with my friends. I was life of each party. It was all about weekends, fun, laugh and friends. But there was a peer pressure, friend’s expectations, backbiting etc. In spite of botheration I continued, as it became lifestyle and good time.

I moved to Gurgaon, another metro city. The high life style of Gurgaon shook my confidence. My past experiences were holding me to restart socializing and was not ready to get into that vicious cycle. Getting a job was another challenge. Being qualified and experienced it took 8 months to get a decent job.

After that my life was picture perfect for all. Gradually home- work- family became routine. But somewhere something was not right. I was with my husband and son. Was I happy? Yes. But there was emptiness.

After few months I realized that I was not able to relate with people except my colleagues. I was reluctant to make new friends. Perhaps many approached me but I was hesitant. To my surprise I started avoiding people and was very comfortable in my world and that’s my room. There was a time that I started distancing even from family members. Facebook, What’s app, Twitter made me feel safe. Social networking became joyful place for me and in few days it became my lifeline. In fact I was unable to make real connections or rather relations with people around me.

I wanted to friends with whom I can go out on a walk or on a coffee. But I was scare to get into social pressure, competition etc. Oh can’t believe this a person like me could not make friends in such a huge city.

Tried to get insights through social network discussion on varied groups I realized that this is reality of many women in metro cities. Most of them confessed that they are surrounded by just people without emotional connection. They don’t even know their next door neighbors. Metro cities are full of people but no real friends. The proximity does not mean intimacy and sometimes loneliness can be acute in crowd. Few women express incapability with their partners though they love each other. But there is difference in enjoying their lives. They hang around with each other’s friends on weekend parties with acute discomfort.

One of my friend mentioned, “It makes me extremely uncomfortable with my husband’s friends.  So when his friends come home I go out with my friends.”

One comment mentioned, “I don’t have friends. I like pets and gardening. I spend my weekends doing these things”

Another surprising comment was, “I have made many friends on What’s app and Facebook. These friends are not interfering and I can block them any time.”

Transferable population in metro cities takes time to settle down. Livelihood obliges us to be in metro cities. Computer and mobile screens are making us lonelier. The feeling of loneliness is nothing but complex and usually unpleasant emotional response to isolation or lack of companionship. It typically includes anxious feelings about a lack of connection or communication with other beings.

When I experienced loneliness I started withdrawing myself from everything around me. In short I created an invisible fence around me where no one was allowed.  But when this intensified, I sensed the isolation and taken as a warning. Fortunately my conscience was active and I decided to get rid of this. Nobody was there to help me; nobody knew what I am going through except me.

I made one small rule for myself. I decided to meet at least one person once in a week on working day. He/ she can be friend, relative or professional associate.  I started giving more time for my passion theater, joined training. Theater compelled me to become fit and I realized still I can run and cycle on roads, like a girl.  Meeting people one in a week helped me to develop my professional network. I started attending professional learning sessions; theater and fitness gave me diverse friends and gave life to that little girl in me.  I performed in Shri Ram centre in Delhi, participated in various marathons, won medals and inspired many more to do so.  But no one knows what I went through. My loneliness made me powerful and strong.

Big cities can breed a lot of loneliness. A feeling of isolation is extremely common. Even shuffling through a jam-packed street, one can feel alone – with no one making eye contact or exchanging a smile. You are not alone in the world experiencing loneliness. One of the best actions we can take to prevent the feeling of loneliness is to think outside of ourselves. Go out of your house, shut down your laptops and sign-out from all your email accounts, get out of the social networking sites. Talk to people, play with kids in your apartment, volunteering is a great exercise in thinking outside yourself and often gives you the opportunity to connect with new people. Feeling of loneliness is temporary and not permanent.