Read a recent article by Chetan Bhagat addressed to the women of India who according to a recent study have been found to be the most “stressed” among the women of the world. I put the word stressed in quotes as stress can range from minor anxiety to major depression. The list of mental ailments guised as stress are innumerable. According to the study conducted by Nielson a whopping 87% women felt stressed most of the time and 82% felt they had no time to relax. The headline of the news article had promised tugging of heartstrings but as I read his advise, his attitude stressed me further.
Although his suggestions were heartfelt and came from a place of love but upon further reflection seemed impractical, archaic and a little sexist. He advises women to simply ignore a mother in law who hates you and to be content with doing a B grade job at home and work because as he puts it ” someone will always be slimmer, better or faster”.
My problem with his attitude and the society’s in general is that it puts the onus of balancing work and home entirely on the woman. In a true partnership,shouldn’t the men share the workload at home too?
All through the article Mr. Bhagat tell us to do as much as we can and to be content with whatever we have to offer. This is sadly only half the truth. I kept on reading hoping to find the other half of this truth that talks about men chipping in and pulling their weight but unfortunately it never came to. He lovingly tells women that it is okay to make one dish for lunch instead of four or to not clean the dishes once in a while…but nowhere in the article does he address the men to pick up the apron or the detergent. Neither does he offer women any hints on asking the men for help or tell the men to “man up”!
When like a caring big brother he suggests women to ignore a spiteful mother in law, he unarms the woman and leaves her vulnerable to a host of emotional complexities. Instead of challenging draconian views on the role of women and daughters in law, he simply suggests to live with the hate. Is it then surprising that our women top the list of severely stressed women??? Adding to the woes is the empty idolisation of women where they are worshipped, put on a pedestal and celebrated. This only makes everyone around expect sacrifice and martyrdom from them. We do not want to live up to mythical standards of living…We do not want to be worshipped. ..All we truly want is for someone to give us a hot cup of tea when we come home!!!
Men in the west willingly help their partners with the running of the household as they are brought up on the principle of equal division of labour. They know that it is humanly impossible to work and manage a family single handedly. They also acknowledge the fact that it is not an equal division of labour if the woman is a homemaker and looks after the house 24/7. Its no wonder that in a recent survey conducted by Randstad 88% of Indians preferred working abroad, of which 85% were women. Yet men and inlaws in India uncompromisingly believe in and expect women to do it all. With the pressures of the corporate world increasing and the levels of patience decreasing it comes as no surprise that women feel helpless and depressed.
A casual chat with my girlfriends – all at different stages of life agree unanimously that the most important factor in balancing work and family life is a supportive husband. Apart from mental support we women want actual physical support. If I cook you clean, if I clean you do the laundry, if I do the laundry you look after the baby and if I look after the baby you do all three! !!!
To their credit Indian males are evolving and are now actively helping out. There seems to be a spurt in the numbers of hands on fathers who not only play with the kids but also feed bathe and clothe them. The numbers are small but the trend is heartening.
But to truly curb this undetected menace we need to offer the women workforce a better quality of life. Let women have maternity leaves and flexible hours of work post delivery. Let us acknowledge period cramps as a legitimate medical condition. Let us stop rewarding overtime and start respecting 8 hour work culture. Let office not feel like a male dominated arena where women feel like trespassers. Let the home be a sanctuary where she can relax just as her husband does. Let the kids witness a true partnership so that sharing the work load is no equated with loss of manhood.
Let women feel worshipped by feeling equal!
